Setting Relationship Standards

What makes someone a potential Bae? How do you determine what to look for in a significant other? How do you set relationship standards?

The answer is M.S.N.

… and no I am not referring to the instant messaging site that you went on after school every day to chat with your friends.

M.S.N.  an acronym for: Must Have- Should Have-Nice to Have

This is a model that I learnt about 5 years ago, which has influenced the way I prioritize.

In this post, I will be discussing how to apply this model to relationships.

I’ll use myself as an example. 

Here is how to apply M.S.N. to setting standards in relationships:

What am I looking for in a prospective Bae?

Must have: These are the things that are MANDATORY. As in the utmost priority. These are the things that are not flexible. If they are not present in the individual, there is no prospect. These are the most important things that you are looking for.

My Must Haves: Must be Christian. Must be Educated (at minimum post secondary level) 

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Should have:The things you consider after your must haves. They are important but not mandatory. These are the things that you EXPECT the person to have. These are not deal breakers but they are things that can easily influence your decision on whether to pursue a relationship with a person or not.

My Should Haves: You should have a job or be actively searching for one. 

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Nice to have: These are the extra things that are not important but would be nice if the person had them.  This is like the icing on the cake. If they have it, great! and if they don’t it is not a big deal, you can still eat the cake. These are the EXTRAS.These are things that complement the person and are not vital.

My Nice to Have: A car, A house/apartment 

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At different points in your life, your M.S.N. will change depending on where you are at. For example, what was important to me at 16 is not as important to me now. But what is important to me now, might be very important to me at 25.

It is very crucial that you are able to know the difference between  what is and isn’t important to you and  also understand why you place such a high/low value on certain things.

Keyword: YOU.

Not what your friends/family think is important or the standard that has been set by society, but what you choose to be important.

For example: A persons religion, race, or ethnicity may not be very important to you but might be important to someone else. You might be open minded about certain things but closed minded about others. It is all about INDIVIDUAL preference. 

I think the area where people get it wrong is when they put things in the wrong categories. The things that are NICE TO HAVE are placed in the SHOULD HAVE category, and they end up missing out on an amazing person just because they don’t meet certain requirements.

Also remember that in life things will move up and down the list based on your experiences.The most important thing is for you to know which category everything falls under by determining the things that are important to you, based on what you value the most.

What are your thoughts on M.S.N. and its influence on setting standards in relationships?

Till next time 🙂

-Temi

Who are your friends?

I cannot over emphasize how important it is to have good friends. It is important that you surround yourself with the right kind of people. Your friends can either make or break you.

The hardest thing about friendships is knowing who to surround yourself with and making sure you have the right group of friends. 

So ask yourself: “Who are my friends?

Remember: It is not about the QUANTITY, but about the QUALITY of friends. 

So How do you determine if someone is a real friend?

1. Real friends are down for you. Your “Ride or Die”. I believe a true test of friendship are the tough times and the power it has to bring people together. Tough times will reveal who is really down for you, and separate them from those who are only down for the fun and turn up.

 

It is easy for people to stand by you when everything is going great, but those who are really down for you through the hard times, are people you need in your life.

Do they help you when you have a need? Are they by your side when you need someone to talk to? 

2. Real friends are honest with you. They put you in check.  If your friends aren’t honest with you, then who will? If I look a mess, I expect my friends to let me know. If there is something wrong…they have to let me know. You gotta be honest with me.

  
A true friend won’t see you going down the wrong path and do nothing about it.

I make mistakes. I call myself a work in progress because like every young person I have my struggles. Which is why I am very thankful to have friends who put me in check when I do something wrong.  Friends who say: “Temi this is wrong. You shouldn’t do this. You know better”. It doesn’t matter if I want to hear it or not. I expect my friends to sit me down and let me know the truth. Tough love. Tbh I might get mad at them in the moment, but I always reflect on what has been said and I treasure the friendship even more. If they are being honest out of love and as a way to help me, I will always appreciate it.

3. Real friends are loyal. They defend you in public. Your friends must be able to talk positively about you in your absence. It is not about what they say about you to your face. What are they saying behind your back? Your friends will not sit with a group of people while they bad mouth you.

I’m the kind of person that will not entertain certain conversations. You CANNOT gossip to me about my friend, or say bad things about my friend (in my presence) and expect me to keep quiet. I either get you to stop, I defend my friend, or I politely end the conversation. 

 Your friends won’t expose you during an argument. They should not spill your secrets because of a little fight. Yeah we might not be friends right now and I can vent my anger and frustration, but that doesn’t mean I would expose things you have said to me in confidence. Things that I know would hurt you. This is something that is very important that I have come to learn over time. A true friend does not stab you in the back.

As a friend, you have to be loyal to me. I have to trust that you are by me and with me. Even if the world is against me. You have to be there through the ups and downs. The good times and bad times. 

4. Real friends push you to be your best. If they don’t motivate you to be a better person, then what is the purpose of the friendship? Your friends should be your cheerleaders, and motivators. They should support your dreams and things you are passionate about. They should constantly help you in becoming a better person.

My friends support my goals and my dreams. They know what I want out of life and they constantly encourage and push me. This is why I love the dynamic of our friendship. We push each other to do better and be better. 

 

5. Real friends love you just the way you are. They accept you for you. Regardless of your looks, or even strange characteristics. They are not embarrassed of you. They like you and understand that the weird things about you, make you special. Your friends should make you feel comfortable and not bring you down. They should love you for who you are. This doesn’t mean that they have to tolerate every single bad thing about you.

 

6. Real friends treat you right. Cherish your friends. Treat them with respect and don’t take them for granted. Sometimes over familiarity breeds disrespect. Don’t assume that because you have known each other for a long time, that their feelings no longer matter. Of course when you’re really close with someone the dynamics of the friendship will change. But still treat them with care and respect.

“True measure of friendship isn’t how you feel about someone. It is how they make you feel about yourself”

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At every point in life. You gotta check yourself and check your friends.

Ask yourself: What brings us together? What is the foundation of our relationship? Is this person truly down for me like they say they are? Is this person a good friend?

Then evaluate the friendship.

But always remember that to have a good friend, you HAVE TO be a good friend.
-Temi

Its Okay to be Single

Valentine’s Day is in a couple of weeks, and all the flowers, cards, chocolates, and stuffed animals have made one thing so apparent.

Just how single you are.

If you haven’t felt single before, this is the time it really clicks.

You are standing in the middle of the store admiring all the Valentine’s day merchandise realizing you are getting nothing this year. You also realized that you will be spending yet another Valentine’s day locked in your room, stuffing your face and watching romantic comedies.

Or is that just me?

LOL It really doesnt have to be that depressing y’all.

Forreal guys Its okay to be single. 

I know that with the Bae epidemic its going to be hard to enjoy your singleness. I swear it seems like every single time you log on to Facebook, someone you went to high school or college with is getting engaged.

So how do you enjoy being single when everyone has a Bae?

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1. Love yourself

Take this time to build your self worth. Your self love. Appreciate all the things that make you special and amazing. There are a lot of great things about you and there is so much to love. You don’t need anyone else to validate that for you.

If you cannot truly love yourself, how can you appreciate someone else loving you? How can you expect someone else to love something you dont love? The way you love yourself will set the bar for how you expect someone else to love you. It will set the bar for what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship.

 

2. Cultivate yourself

Take this time to build your skills. To build yourself. Focus on your education and your career. Focus on making you a better person. Develop new skills. Learn something new. Try something different. Find  a hobby (something that you really enjoy doing) and do it. Be the best that you can be!

Also take this time to reflect on yourself. Figure out what you need to work on and work on it. You know what you are looking for (in a partner), but  Do you meet your own standards?

Maybe there are some things you need to change about yourself. Figure that out and take steps to work on YOU.

During this time, dont focus on other peoples relationships. Obviously its natural to see “relationship goals” and want that for yourself but not to the point where you become so depressed about being single.

Dont focus on #RelationshipGoals but on #SelfGoals.

3. Learn to be Alone. Be comfortable with your company

Learn how to be okay with being alone. Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. It just means that you enjoy your company enough. Learn to be alone with your thoughts, and sometimes just focus on you. Learn to enjoy yourself without others. When you are alone, it gives you a lot of time to work on yourself and find yourself. It gives you a chance to really get to  know YOU.

Personally, I enjoy being alone. I enjoy spending time with myself reading, writing, watching movies, cooking…. (anything really). Being alone with my thoughts actually brings me a lot of peace. 

4. Make friends and Have fun

There is nothing wrong with being alone sometimes. But you also need people around you. Make new friends and discover new things to do.Make plans and try something different. Focus on having the right balance in your life. It is good to have friends and to do fun things. Just ensure that you are around people that uplift you rather than bring you down.

5. Dont look for a relationship. Let it find you.

If you are too busy looking for a relationship, you will end up settling for just anything. Take your time and focus on building yourself and enjoying yourself WITHOUT a relationship. I strongly believe that good things happen when you least expect it. Let it find you.

Serendipity: finding something good without looking for it 

I hope this was helpful.
Thanks for reading and make sure you share this post with your single friends 🙂

Comment and let me know your thoughts about being Single and ways to enjoy your singleness.

Till next time guys.

-Temi 🙂 ❤

6 Steps to Avoiding Situationships

You are tired of these so called “Relationships” with these guys. But you only seem to get yourself into one Situationship after another.

So how do you get yourself to avoid these Situationships?

These are some tips that can help you to #SayNoToSituationships

Disclaimer: This is all from personal experience (personal being from my experience or from what I have seen others experience) Also note that This is not about How to Get into a Relationship. It is about How to Avoid Situationships. 

Want to know more about Situationships, check out this article: Situationships

How to know if He is just not that into you: Hes just not that into you

So lets begin.

1. Figure out what you want for yourself.
Do you want a serious relationship? Do you want something casual? WHAT DO YOU WANT? If you know exactly what you want then its easy to know what you dont want

Talking
Dating/Relationship
Situationship
Friends with benefits

Now you know exactly what you want and what you dont want. So you know what to avoid.

2. Make what you want very clear.

A lot of people dread this part…but it is very crucial. 
Yes I know you don’t want to scare this guy away but….somewhere in one of your long late night convos,  Find a way to discuss relationships. And somewhere in that conversation Let them know (in your own words) “I am just getting my life together. You know sorting out school… my career…life…. Seeing what’s out there. And now I definitely dont want something casual. Im looking for a serious relationship if it comes along”

Mind you, This is a conversation with a friend. Remember you guys aren’t seeing each other yet. It shouldnt be hard for you to discuss relationships with a guy who is your friend.

DO NOT:

Guy: So I like playing soccer and video games

You: Good….so are you tryna date me or nah because I am looking for a relationship…

Guy:

*Sigh

There are ways to bring it up. Usually somewhere when discussing future goals. Find that way. Just do it casually. Let him know what you are looking for.

Based on how he responds, you know how to  proceed.

3. Find out what HE is looking for.

Im not saying you should assume or guess. Ask him what hes looking for. If his answer doesn’t align with yours, then step away.

If he tells you. “Im not looking for a relationship right now”… MOVE ON.
If he says: “I am just looking for something casual”. …. MOVE ON.
(Remember this is not what you want)

This is the step where a lot of ladies make mistakes.

You ask the guy what he’s looking for. He gives you an answer that doesn’t meet your needs BUT you convince yourself that its just for now. That he will soon realize that you are so amazing and he will change his mind.

No. No. No.

A guy that is looking for a relationship with you will let you know that he is open to a relationship or that he is definitely looking. If he says he is looking for friendship, dont try to build something with him.

Obviously down the line as friends,  he can realize he now wants a relationship with you. Which is completely fine. 

4. Do not settle.

You know what you want out of a relationship. Now you know what he also wants. Do not at any point lower your standards just because you want to be with him.
Stick to what you want.

Remember your goal: Serious relationship.

If hes not giving you that,  Dont get involved in anything else. Apart from friendship of course.

5. It is okay to be just friends.

A lot of relationships blossom out of friendships. Plus when you are a friend you get a chance to really know the person. Without feelings or complications. Everyone is happy.

If then you both decide you want to be more than friends,  then of course you can decide to make it a relationship. Not a situationship.

Situationship is not the road between friendship and relationship. Situationship is a destination on its own. Its a dead end.

6. Its okay to be single.

This is a topic on its own. (Which I will be writing about sometime in the near future) You don’t have to rush into anything or be in something that doesn’t satisfy you. Remember it is better to be single than to be with the wrong person.

If You actually take these steps seriously, You’ll see that you will avoid Situationships.

You might be alone for a while. But who cares. At least you’ll be happy and no one will be playing games with you.

 

Thanks for reading. If you have any ideas/suggestions that you want me to write about, feel free to contact me. I would love to hear from you.

Till next time guys 🙂

-TEMI 🙂

He’s just not that into you

You are sitting there contemplating whether you should call him or not. Its been a couple of days and you havent heard from him. But he said he would call….

You decide to wait.

You see him updating his Snapchat story. And he has definitely been on Facebook. He shared that video a couple of minutes ago. His whatsapp also shows that his last seen was 20 minutes ago.

But he hasnt responded to any of your texts…

Oh maybe he didnt see them….or maybe he just forgot. he is probably busy.

You should call.

You pick up your phone.

You dial his number. You wait…No answer.

You hang up.

Sound familiar?

sigh*

 

Situationships Part 2

So why are you wasting your time in that Situationship?

It is because deep down you believe that it will work out in the end. You feel like this is just a phase and that it will get better.

That’s where you are wrong.
It doesn’t get better

Most of the time. Situationships get worse….not better. It is not just a phase. If he is choosing not to be with you (make you his girlfriend), then that is because he doesn’t want to and he simply IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Btw if you haven’t read the first part, make sure you check it out: Situationships

So let’s talk.

If you constantly have to question how he feels about you then he simply doesn’t care enough about you. When a guy likes/loves a girl, it is VERY obvious and they always make it known one way or another.

Ask yourself: Does he really care about me? What does he do that shows that he cares?

If you need a lot of time to think and analyze and you are left feeling confused, he probably doesnt. When a guy truly cares about you, you are very confident in his feelings for you.

Why? because his actions say it all.

If a guy chooses to break up with you but then wants to get into a weird Situationship with you because he claims that he still cares, Dont fall for it.

He broke up with you for a reason. He is choosing not  to be with you. Yes he might tell you that he still cares for you and that he misses you. But if he still wanted to be with you, he would be.

It doesn’t matter that he misses you. Missing you is not enough.

“Dont be flattered that he misses you. However, he is the same person who just broke up with you. Remember the only reason he can miss you is because hes choosing everyday not to be with you”

Then he constantly makes you feel bad about yourself….

If he makes you feel horrible about yourself and constantly has you worried and stressed out, then he is not right for you. A guy that likes you is supposed to make you feel better about yourself.

Relationships and love are meant to bring you happiness. It is not meant to add additional stress to your life. You are not supposed to be depressed and unable to function because you are worried about a guy who claims to like you. If he likes you, your happiness and feelings will be his priority.

You claim that he  cares about you but His actions are all questionable and you feel deep down (when you choose to be honest with yourself) that he doesn’t care about you. “If a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a shit, it is because he doesn’t give a shit”

If he acts like he doesn’t care, then he doesn’t care.

But then you might claim that he cares but he is just too busy…

“The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact… all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.”

Note: I am not referring to guys that are genuinely busy. With school, their career, or just getting their life together. That is an exception.

I mean guys who claim to like you but are ALWAYS too busy to hang out, to talk on the phone, or to spend quality time with you. These same guys always have time to update their snapchat story and their social network though.

He is NOT busy. He just doesn’t want to make time for you.

“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves”

A guy who cares for you will CREATE time for you. He will take time out of his busy schedule to spend time with you. He will sacrifice sleep(if he has to), video games, time he would normally spend with friends and make time for you. A guy that cares about you is willing to go the distance for you. He will travel hours if he has to. He will MAKE IT HAPPEN.

If you are thinking these are unrealistic expectations then that shows that there is something wrong. People who care about you make sacrifices for you. If you are reading this post, and you are thinking: “oh my God…this is my situation with (insert name)” then you need to get out of your Situationship.

“The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.”

There are good people out there. But how are you  supposed to meet the right one when you are so busy trying to fix a relationship with someone who is so wrong for you. You are so focused on your past and on your ex that you fail to focus on what is out there for you.

Get out of that Situationship!! Leave! You don’t need that kind of stress in your life.

Note: He might not want to leave. He might claim that he doesn’t want to lose you and that he cares and you are very important to him….

Yes…and???

If he is not doing anything about these so called feelings he has for you, don’t waste your time. Leave.
He might even tell you that he is not ready for a relationship…. and you buy this excuse, but then shortly after he is dating someone else.
Why?
Because When he says he is not ready for a relationship. He means he is not ready for a relationship with you. A serious guy will want to be in a relationship with a girl he sees a future with.

You deserve so much better. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. When the right relationship comes along, the wait will be worth it.

“What I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored”

*All quotes are from the Book/Movie: He’s just not that into you.

Check out these clips from the movie:

 

 

Thanks for reading guys.

What do you think? I would love to hear from you. (Comment down below)

If you have a friend in a Situationship, share this with them. They NEED to read this. Better yet, if you are in a Situationship, share this with that guy and ask: “Is this us?” Lol jk.

Watch out for the final part to this series where I will be discussing 6 steps to Avoiding Situationships.

Follow this blog so you get updates whenever I make a new post.

Till next time y’all 🙂

-Temi ❤

 

Situationships

“So umm….What are we?” 

One of the most dreadest questions ever.

Its hard to ask…and its even harder to answer.

You ever find yourself in a “relationship” where you know something is wrong, you know this is not what you want… but you are just too comfortable to get out?

So lets talk about it.

Relationships….more like Situationships

Situationship: any problematic relationship characterized by one or more unresolved, interpersonal conflicts. usually confused with dating. A relationship that has no label on it.. like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship. (Urban dictionary)

I personally have found myself in Situationships (you know those ones where it’s not a relationship but you just don’t know what to call it. Yeah. Those) Those ones where you gotta constantly ask: “What are we?” but the answer you get always sounds like a hot mess. Sometimes you dont even ask: “What are we?” because you know you are not going to get the answer you want.

There are clearly different variations of Situationships but We’ve all been there. Those relationships were you know its leading nowhere but you stay because its comfortable. It feels safe. Or you just like them too much to decide to leave. And sometimes you would rather have that than have nothing else. Sounds ridiculous but its true. I personally know many people that have found themselves in similar situations. At least someone else can relate.

So at least I’m not alone. *phew*

We get comfortable. We stay there. Build a nest and we settle. Many times you know you deserve better. And that you should have better. But for fear of leaving your comfort zone, you settle. You convince yourself that it is better to stay here unsatisfied than for you to take that risk and leave and start something else.

I think in every Relationship Situationship, you gotta ask yourself. “Is this going anywhere? Am I in the right place? Am I settling? What are we doing here?”

And you gotta be honest with yourself. If we choose to be honest with ourselves we realize that we shouldn’t be in that Situationship but we stay. It is so much easier for us to stay in a situation that we know is toxic and does no good than it is for us to leave.

I obviously dont mean those ones where you are building the foundation for a relationship. Where you are taking time and getting to know each other and see if you fit well. (That is a different case entirely)

I’m referring to the cases where you want a relationship. You want a title. You know that for sure. You want something serious. But you are in some weird dragged out thing with someone you like. You know it makes no sense but you just like them too much.

A Situationship. No titles. You dont even know what to call it. You dont know if you are Friends, if you are Talking…or “Talking talking” Can you claim them publicly? What are you entitled to?  You cant even get mad at certain things because you dont have a right to.

Allow me to give you some examples of Situationships:

1. You and a guy have been talking for years now. You both like each other, you act like you are dating. But you aren’t actually together.

2. You and a guy (who has made it very clear that he is looking for something casual) have been talking for a while. You want something serious. He doesn’t. You act like you are dating.

3. You are with a guy. He’s not your boyfriend. But you are loyal to him. You are not allowed to see others. Your “relationship” with this guy smells like a relationship, looks like a relationship, but isn’t. Any attempt to talk about “What are we?” Gets brushed off.

4. Your relationship with an ex. Right after a breakup. Since you are not quite over it yet and you haven’t quite adjusted to the breakup. You both still act like you are in a relationship but you are not. Chances that you will get back together is a solid 1.036/10.

5. When your conversation with your friend sounds something like this:

You: Sooo after our date, we talked on the phone for hours last night and we are hanging out again… tomorrow

Friend: So what’s going on?

You: We are talking.

Friend: So do you like each other?

You: Yeah we do

Friend: So are you guys dating

You: No. But we go on dates

Friend: So are you friends?

You: No. We are more than friends. Its just not official yet.

Friend that is now getting tired of your nonsense:

Sounds familiar?

It does to me.

Anyways, There are soooo many more examples I can think of. But I think you guys have a pretty good understanding.

Note: If you are wondering if you are currently in a Situationship, You probably are.

So Why are you wasting your time? Why are you holding on to something like this? How exactly do you get out of this Situationship?

We will talk about that next time.

 

 

“New Year. New Me”

One of the most exciting times of the holiday season is the end of one year, and the beginning of another. I think there is something about the beginning of each year that makes people feel like they can set goals and like they are more likely to achieve these goals because they give themselves a year.

Brace yourselves for all the status updates and new year selfies with the caption: New Year. New Me.

Im here trying to understand what exactly is new about you. I mean we can all agree that it is a new year, but when the clock hits midnight, it is not like you are magically transformed into a new person. 

It is not a NEW you. Its just a more reflective you.

As one year comes to an end, we  reflect on it and make plans for the new year. We take into account everything that happened in 2015, and realize that at the end of the day we are left with a feeling of one thing: DISAPPOINTMENT.

It might be that at the beginning of 2015, you might have decided you were going to lose 20 pounds, find a bae, save some money, and get your life on track. With the start of another year, you realize that you actually gained weight, you still have no bae, you are broke, and your life seems to be very far from getting on track.

Sooooo…. January 1st, 2016.  NEW YEAR. NEW ME. ….yet again.

We start the new year with a list of goals which we title: New Year Resolutions. These are things we swear we will do in the new year.

Funny thing about this is that for the first couple of weeks in the year, everyone sticks to these goals. The gyms are busy with people who tell themselves they are going to lose weight and get fit in the new year. I laugh to myself because I know none of these things actually last. By mid April we don’t even remember our resolutions and decide to wait till the next year so we can reset them.

Dont get me wrong, I have nothing against setting goals. In fact, I set goals for myself and believe in working towards these goals. Only problem I have is waiting for January 1st to begin working towards these goals.  You dont have to wait till the beginning of the year to start. (kinda late for me to be saying this but you get my point) 

Also another issue is that people set unrealistic goals. (Once again, I am not saying Dont dream big or to set little goals). I am saying you need to set SMART goals.

These are goals that are Specific. Measurable. Attainable. Realistic. Timely.

Take time and think about it. Don’t think in the sense of changing yourself. Think more about reworking your goals so they work for you.

 Set goals that you know you can work towards and outline how you actually plan on achieving these goals.

For example:

You might be planning to lose weight in the new year.

So how much weight do you want to lose? What EXACTLY are you going to do to lose this amount of weight in this time period? How are you going to break your goal down into smaller goals so it is easy to track?

You might be planning to save money in the new year.

How much are you planning on saving? How do you plan on getting the money? Is it a realistic goal for you? Do you have a source of income? Are you even good with money management? 

BREAK IT DOWN! Break your goals down to smaller goals. Make it work for you. What might work for one person might not work for another. You know yourself best. You know what YOU need to work on and improve. You know how motivated you are and YOU know what can be a hindrance to you achieving these goals.

You can also share your goals with people you know would support you and keep you on track. Your mentors, parents, friends (people you trust). As long as they push you towards achieving these goals and not discourage you.

That being said. Set your Resolutions Goals Wisely and work towards them. Also pray for guidance and strength to achieve these goals.

God bless you and I pray 2016 is good to you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 🙂 

 

 

Count Your Blessings

Count your blessings name them one by one…count your blessings see what God has done…

In the spirit of thanksgiving, I decided to write another post.

Its thanksgiving!!!! Well at least in Canada (not too sure bout other parts of the world)

But I am sure we all know that thanksgiving isn’t just about the turkey, and mashed potatoes, and cranberry juice (or whatever it is you guys eat during dinner). It is much more than that.

When you look around you, you think deep enough, you realize that you have a lot to be thankful for.

When you choose to focus on the positive things in your life (the things you have) and you focus less on the negative things (the things you don’t have) you know you have so much to be thankful for.

For example:

If you are reading this post, you have something to be thankful for..(You can READ).

If you are complaining about chores and the cooking and cleaning you have to do today because you have family coming over, that means you have something to be thankful for…(You have a FAMILY)

I’m sure you see where I am going with this.

A little activity here….Think about all the things you think you can’t live without

Now imagine if you didn’t have these things anymore….Imagine what your life would be like… (If all of those things were taken away from you)

Your health…your family….your friends…your home….your community…your country…. your safety…. your mind… your skills/talents…. whatever it is you are thankful for.

Now take some time, and thank God for these things that you have. These things you take for granted every single day. Thank God for everything.

As you spend time with your friends/family/loved ones, stay thankful. Stay grateful…and appreciate the little things you have been blessed with.

One thing I know for sure is that some people are spending this thanksgiving on the streets, at a shelter, the hospital, and some didn’t even make it to see this day.

So even if you feel you have absolutely nothing to be thankful for….Be thankful that you are alive. Because that alone is the greatest gift! 🙂

Happy Thanksgiving once again!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

-Temi ❤

Could Never Be Me : A Short Story

I just finished writing my last exam and I was so glad to be done with school. I paced back and forth as I waited for my friend, Sean to pick me up. In a couple of weeks, we would be graduating and I knew I had a lot of reasons to be happy.

Sean and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. I was the quiet one while he was louder…and you know more expressive. We were very different but we were close. Some people were surprised that we could be friends for such a long time but you know..we made it work. He has been there for me through a lot of things and we were basically family.

I saw Sean’s car pull up and I got in. We started talking about how school was done and the kind of summer we were gong to have. My parents had bought us tickets to go to Cuba right after grad and we were excited about that. Like I said, Sean was like family.

It was going to be the best summer of our lives and we were ready for anything.

I got on snapchat because I had to let everyone know exams were done and that I was excited for my summer. We were having fun. And we knew it was about to be a great night. We had planned to drive to Mississauga to chill with some friends.

Sean’s phone rang and he picked up. He was talking to a friend and from what I could tell it sounded very urgent.

He got off the phone and told me we were going to have to make a stop before reaching Mississauga.

“Whatever” I didn’t really care. I wasn’t about to argue or let anything ruin my night.

His phone rang again and I asked Sean not to use the phone while driving.

I don’t mean to sound paranoid or anything but I really do freak out over things like that. I mean you hear about stories in the news of people getting into accidents and I really didn’t want to be another statistic.

Sean told me to chill and it wasn’t that serious. He hadn’t been drinking and he was very much alert.

He could handle it.

“I know what I am doing!!!” He picked up the phone and told the person he would be there soon. Then he dropped it.

I could breathe again.

We continued to talk and the music continued to play. Sean then brought out his phone again and started recording a snap. He had the settings so that you could see how fast the car was going.

“Sean I don’t think you should..”

“chill man! My eyes ARE on the road. You’re killing the vibe! Just chill!”. He started to laugh…. and then it happened. It all happened so fast.

I don’t even remember how it happened but all I remember was Sean screaming and trying to swerve the car and then there was an impact with another vehicle. My body was flung out of the car and unto the street.

After some time I could hear people running around me and I could hear voices as well. There was a lot of chaos.

“Call 911” someone said. I could see a woman running up to Sean who was still sitting in the drivers seat but mangled.

“I think he is dead!” The woman screamed. “someone call 911”

I felt tears streaming down my eyes and blood oozing out of my mouth and nose. I struggled to breathe and at that moment my life flashed before my eyes.

I had plans for my life. I was supposed to be graduating in 2 weeks. I was excited for my future.

… and then it hit me.

I wasn’t going to have a future.

In that moment I knew everything I had and ever wanted was being taken away from me. I was so afraid.

I didn’t think it would end this way.

I thought I would get to graduate, get a good job, get married, and raise kids. You know…have my own family. But none of that was going to happen anymore. Just like that, my future was cut short.

I closed my eyes and could feel blood pouring out of my head, my arm,and and my leg. I couldn’t even move… I was in so much pain and I tried to scream but words couldn’t come out of my mouth. For the first time in my life, I felt completely helpless.

I felt the weight of the world crushing down on me as I just laid there trying to gasp for breath.

I was only 22.

I didn’t deserve to die.

The End.

---

Note: I see a lot of people texting while driving and snapchattng on the wheel. And it freaks me out because its almost like they don’t realize they are gambling with their lives.

We know the stats. We know accidents happen. We just never think it could happen to us.

The text is never that important. And frankly you don’t have to Snapchat when behind the wheel.Just have someone else record the snap. Its that simple. Don’t put your life at risk because you are trying to update your social media or respond to a message.

You could end up losing your life, or cause someone else to lose theirs.

It’s not worth it.
The message can wait.

-Temi

Spending Your Time Wisely

So my sleep was interrupted this morning by my mom sending me messages on Whatsapp. .I woke up grudgingly and checked to see that she had sent an image of one of those motivational quotes. I struggled to open my eyes as I read the message.

I tried to go back to sleep but clearly MY MOM had other plans. My phone kept vibrating and I checked to see her message:  “I HOPE YOU ARE NOT STILL SLEEPING…WAKE UP!!!”

I responded letting her know that I was very much awake.

She then started to call for me to come downstairs.

I got out of my room and grumpily sat on the stairs and saw my mom walking around downstairs trying to get her day started.

“UGH MOM! Cant I sleep in??”

My mom said: “NO. How can you sleep in till 9…”

I started to zone out. (Lol my mom is gonna be reading this and shes gonna know that I zoned out halfway through what she was saying…sorry mom I was tired >_< )

My mom called me downstairs and asked me to sit down. She then started to lecture me about the importance of spending your time wisely.

I sat there thinking: “It is toooooo early for this”

My mom said…I’m going to be tough on you and by the time I am through we will fight…we will fight a lot”

Ugh! I really didn’t have time for this. I just wanted to be back in my bed DOING NOTHING! But she kept going and going talking about how she was going to be hard on me but in the future I will thank her.

I nodded.

She dismissed me.

She didn’t think I was listening…. but I was.

What she said did get to me.I was listening to her lecture. And I reflected on what she said.

Soooooo new post! 🙂

SPENDING YOUR TIME WISELY 101

Plan your time

This can start from simple things like planning your day. Write a list of the things you have to complete and give yourself enough time to get it done.

Planning your time will ensure that you are getting things done and actually using your time productively.

How to effectively plan your time: SET GOALS

Think about what you want out of life in the next 5-10 years and write down what it would take to achieve these goals. Then start taking the steps necessary to achieve these goals.

Ask yourself: What do I have to do to be where I want to be in the next 5 years?

Just be prepared to work hard to achieve these goals. If you want something, go for it and work towards it.

It feels so good to be able to plan your time and look back and know that you achieved something and that you are steps closer to making your dreams a reality.

Work now and play later

I know we are young and we are trying to have fun but this is really the time for us to be putting our life together and to be sorting things out.

You don’t want to be in your late 20’s or early 30’s wishing you had put more time into meaningful things when you were younger.

You really don’t want a life filled with regrets.

So simply have the mindset that this is the time to build. To build for your future. You are never too young to start NOW!

Use this time to build: education, knowledge, your career, your connections, your experiences, Your savings, your credit, your goals…

whatever it is… JUST BUILD!

Dont be lazy.

Push yourself. Go beyond your comfort zone. It is definitely easier to stay in bed all day and catch up on your shows but what are you really achieving?

Laziness will rob you off your destiny and you will look back and realize that you have wasted a lot of time instead of doing things that would better your future.

Ask yourself:

Am I working towards achieving my goals and being the best that I can be? Am I living to my full potential? Am I spending my time wisely? 

Remember, Time wasted can never be gotten back.

Don’t get me wrong. There are definitely days when you just want to relax and lay in bed and be lazy…that is completely fine. Just don’t make an habit out of it. There is nothing wrong with taking time out to have fun, playing games, chilling, sleeping, going on vacation, and doing nothing.

We all need a break sometimes.

But remember: too much of anything isn’t good.

That being said,

Have a great and PRODUCTIVE day 🙂